Monday morning, Tony La Russa made the kind-of-but-I-guess-not-really surprising announcement that he was retiring as manager of the St. Louis Cardinals, going out on top the way no other Major League manager ever has. But La Russa's announcement didn't leave one team in need of a new manager. It left two teams in need of a new manager! Good grief, the consequences!

You'll remember that the managers in the All-Star Game are the managers who managed in the World Series the previous year. With La Russa removing himself, the 2012 National League All-Star team is now a rudderless collection of stars and overachievers all pulling in different directions. It's on Bud Selig to find the right guy who can get them all pulling on the same rope, because if the team can't pull itself together, it'll fall apart like pulled pork. Pull. Pull. It's not even a word, "pull." Pull.