A Guide To The Remaining Uniform Changes

Confused by all of the teams switching their logos and uniforms? Here's a guide on what to expect from the remaining uniform switches.

So far this offseason, the Marlins, Padres, Mets, and Orioles have changed their uniforms in some capacity. The Blue Jays are planning to announce their new uniforms on Friday, though the Jay-with-leaf-earmuffs logo has already leaked. It's the offseason of uniform changes, and teams aren't even close to being done. Here, then, is a handy guide to the schedule of remaining uniform announcements:

November 26 - Cincinnati Reds
Changes: All green. Both road and away. The Reds are counting on each team having one smarmy jackass who gets really upset when people use the word "ironic" incorrectly, and the team hopes it will be a distraction in every game for years to come.

November 28 - San Francisco Giants
Changes: The taut leather straps that lead from a player's wrists to his belt will be painted with DayGlo colors. In previous iterations, the straps were almost impossible to see, which made fans think that the hitters were actually that bad.

December 1 - Houston Astros
Changes: Same uniform, at least by sight. But scientists have added a compound that gives the uniform the stench of the DH, which allows the team to get used to the idea for a season. One report says the new uniforms smell like Ken Phelps.

December 5 - Washington Nationals
Changes: Nothing major, but on the 163rd anniversary of James K. Polk's death, the team will wear a newly designed James K. Polk-a dot alternate jersey. They were also planning on mixing up the President's Race with new contestants, including a foam Polk, but when the FDR caricature finished last in 35 consecutive trial runs, the team cancelled the plans to avoid controversy.

December 7 - Los Angeles Dodgers
Changes: Sources say that the new jersey will be almost identical to the current classic jerseys, except they will feature a splotch of red near the bottom of the jersey that might be a marinara sauce stain. Also, the sources are just the Sandersons, an elderly couple who live next to Tommy Lasorda in Fullerton.

December 9 - St. Louis Cardinals
Changes: After beating MLB '11 on regular difficulty, the Cardinals will change the settings to "Difficult," which is essentially the same thing as last season, but with a slightly different logo.

December 12 - Tampa Bay Rays
Changes: In honor of their 15th anniversary, the Rays will wear throwback jerseys, enlisting the help of LucasArts to recreate some of the original Rays colors that haven't existed since an episode of 90210 from the early '90s. The unfortunate code name for the uniform switch project is "Tampa X."

December 13 - New York Yankees
Changes: The team will move the camouflage patches they wear on their right sleeve to honor the military. They'll move them to the left sleeve, marking the first change of a Yankees uniform since the patches were introduced in 1945. If you're thinking to yourself that you don't remember seeing the patches, well, that's the point.

December 17 - Pittsburgh Pirates
Changes: The team is planning on ditching the eyepatches. Not the ones on the logo, but the ones on that they bought in bulk from a Spirit store on November 13, 1993 and had their players wear for almost 20 years, often two at a time.

December 19 - Chicago Cubs
The Cubs' new uniform will have the word "Cardinals" on it. It will be white with red lettering, and the hat will feature the letters "S", "T", and "L." Also, they're playing their home games at Busch Stadium while Wrigley Field undergoes renovations. At least, this is what they'll tell Alfonso Soriano as they're pushing him out of the cab.

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