No one wants to be the Orioles' new general manager. Sure, people are showing up for job interviews, in the hopes that maybe their credentials will be the ones that finally break owner Peter Angelos out of his traditional role as overbearing dream crusher, but it's not going to happen.
Dan Duquette is interviewing with the team today, and Allard Baird is soon to follow. These are two former general managers -- the former is out of baseball entirely, the latter in a scouting position with the Red Sox -- who might just accept the gig because it's open to them, and gives them another chance at a job that it didn't look like they would get another crack at. For others with younger and more promising careers, though, this has been the general response once they had a chance to talk with Peter Angelos:
Jerry DiPoto (not pictured) is considered one of the best and brightest of the next wave of general managers, and he took the Angels' job over Baltimore's. For context, DiPoto took the job that involves Vernon Wells making $63 million over the next three years over a similar, Vernon Wells-less position on the east coast. Tony LaCava, another well-regarded potential candidate, didn't even have another GM job to run to, and instead headed back to Toronto to remain as the assistant GM to Alex Anthopoulos. This is because, as Danny Knobler put it yesterday, "LaCava wanted to clear out some long-term front-office people whose jobs have been protected by Angelos. Angelos refused to do that."
There's no better way to fix the Orioles than to make sure they remain the same. At least, in Angelos' mind, anyway. This isn't new news, either, as Rob Neyer pointed out earlier this week, Angelos and his influence have been a problem in Baltimore for years now.
The question posed in that headline was, "Will Anyone Work For The Baltimore Orioles?" No one should, because it's a good way to screw up your future credentials -- blaming Peter Angelos for all of your shortcomings would be believable, but still probably not reflect well, in future job interviews -- but that's not going to stop me.
That's right! I want to be the next general manager of the Baltimore Orioles. What are my credentials, you ask? Well, I don't actually have any. And that's kind of the beauty of the whole thing.
Sure, I'm big on statistical analysis, and I like to think I know a thing or two about this game. And, hey, I was a communication major, too, so I know how to interact with people! That's part of a GM's job description. Maybe I'm more fit for this gig than I give myself credit for, especially since I know the secret to succeeding as a Baltimore GM.
Are you ready for the secret? It's do nothing. You just sit there, and you let Angelos and his people hold on to Nick Markakis and Brian Roberts even though there have been times where trading them is a good idea. You get a pretty good check -- definitely more than what your standard blogger is going to be pulling in -- and since you know no one is going to listen to you anyway, you can just write up reports on what you would have done in each situation but won't be allowed to do, since Angelos and Friends are going to do whatever they want, anyway. Then you can submit those as your actual resume on your next job interview, because eventually, even though you have had nothing to do with the continuing failure of the Orioles, you'll get fired for not getting the job you weren't allowed to do done.
Since you won't actually be in charge, either, there will be plenty of time for other things. Don't want to miss out on the new Assassin's Creed or Mario video game? Just be the GM of the Orioles. You'll have plenty of time for holiday releases during the winter meetings when no free agents want to negotiate with you, and your bosses and subordinates who are actually your bosses are busy working an another extension for Markakis.
None of this sounds like a definition of "success," but remember, this is the Orioles. What can be deemed successful is pretty broad at this point. This is the same team that celebrated like they won the World Series when they knocked the Red Sox out of the playoffs in September, because that's as close as they have been to relevant in years.
Okay, so this isn't the best strategy for your DiPoto's and LaCava's or anyone else with two capital letters in their last name, but that's because they already have ins and careers within the game going. I am free from such credentials, and therefore, being an accomplice to the transactional crimes committed in Baltimore is basically my only shot at a big league job. It's totally possible that I would never be hired again, either, but it would be fun (and lucrative!) while it lasted.
So tell your local beat writer that it's time for a "change" in Baltimore. Let's just admit that this is how things are going to go under Angelos, and help a baseball blogger pay off his student loans while we do it.