Here's Matt Holliday to lead off for the National League, and his pitcher is none other than Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina. It is not former Cardinals pitcher Ryan Franklin, so one instantly questions the wisdom of Holliday's decision.

Holliday's first home run is 384 feet to left, barely scraping the back of the wall. That's why we watch. We watch for the wall-scrapers.

After seven outs, I am unimpressed by Holliday's performance. Too many high flies, and too many line drives. Does he even know how to hit a home run? Has Matt Holliday ever hit a home run, aside from that one? Why was Matt Holliday selected for the Home Run Derby if he can't hit home runs?

So Holliday has actually left the yard, immediately killing the previous joke, which didn't make sense to begin with. His first round ends with five homers. In his previous first round, in 2010, he hit five homers. In his previous first round before that, in 2007, he hit five homers. I think we have collected enough evidence by now to know that Matt Holliday should never be invited back to this thing ever again.

Time for second basemen. You know this is a potent field of contenders, because there are multiple second basemen in it.