Breaking: Jamie Moyer's Hip

Get it? Because Jamie Moyer is old! Jack McKeon managed Moyer's first game! It was played in New Amsterdam! They would have starved if those nice Cleveland Indians didn't teach them how to plant Cracker Jacks and/or marinate buffalo colons long enough to make the perfect hot dog! Jamie Moyer is old!

But, heck, it's still funny. We're simple people. And over at Getting Blanked, Drew Fairservice has a roundup of Twitter jokes and facts related to the revelatory news that Jamie Moyer is still old:

A proud moment for zoomers everywhere! Strike a blow for the silver foxes of the world. Show them the terrible affliction known as "old man ass" is no longer a hindrance in professional sports!

And over at Value Over Replacement Grit, we have a collection of fun facts:

when (Moyer) made his Major League debut on June 16, 1986 ... at least 276 players in all had not been born yet.

It's the wasn't-even-born-yet angle that never ceases to surprise, and it caught Ben Lindbergh's fancy:

Thinking of doing a retroactive liveblog of 8/16/86. Yu Darvish: /cries, has umbilical cord cut. Jamie Moyer: /strikes out Vance Law.

Jamie Moyer is still old. You read it here first. Unless you read those other places first.

Jamie Moyer Signs Minor League Contract With Rockies

This was frightening enough the other day, when it was just a rumor. Now it's reality. Jon Morosi:

Jamie Moyer is indeed coming back. He has signed a minor-league deal with the #Rockies, pending a physical.

There's still a physical in the way, and you never know what might show up given that Jamie Moyer is ALMOST FIFTY YEARS OLD, but assuming he passes, Moyer will be battling with a host of other arms for a job in Colorado.

Colorado, as in Coors Field, as in the extremely hitter-friendly Coors Field. Coors Field is less hitter-friendly than it used to be, but that's like saying a rabid wolf with three legs is less dangerous than a rabid wolf with four legs. It's still a miserable place for pitchers, and Moyer is a guy who was a contact fly-ball pitcher before he had Tommy John surgery. So.

Here's what's funny: Let's say Moyer doesn't make the team out of camp. Let's say Moyer reports to triple-A. Well, Colorado's triple-A affiliate plays in Colorado Springs, and that ballpark is more insane than Coors Field. Jamie Moyer acts as his own agent. He might want to consider firing himself.

Okay, so in truth, Moyer probably didn't have many offers, and while it's hard to imagine a worse environment for him than Colorado, it's just really cool to see him get a shot. I'll be rooting for Jamie Moyer, and you'll be rooting for Jamie Moyer, even if you're a fan of a team that ends up facing Jamie Moyer. Making the team and conquering Coors Field? Jamie Moyer has amazed us all before.

Did The Rockies Forget About Coors Field?

Colorado houses baseball's premier hitter park, but the Rockies' pitching acquisitions this winter seem forgetful of this fact.

Is Jamie Moyer A Hall Of Famer?

The 49-year-old lefthander is hoping for one more comeback in 2012, with the Rockies. Does his entire body of work rate him consideration for Cooperstown?

Rockies Offer Jamie Moyer Minor League Deal

Jamie Moyer is almost 50 years old. But he might be a rotation starter in 2012 -- for the Rockies.