Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun was scheduled to attend the "Brewers On Deck" fan festival on Sunday, where he was to interact and frolic with Milwaukee fans preparing to enter the Mat Gamel era. On Wednesday, however, the Brewers announced that he would not attend the event. Via Tom Hadricourt:

In working through the logistics of this weekend’s Brewers On Deck event in Milwaukee with Ryan Braun—and knowing how much he enjoys interacting candidly with Brewers fans—we came to the conclusion that this is too sensitive of a time in the confidential process for him to attend this year.

While the decision makes sense, it's fun to run with the description of Braun's candidness and pretend that he's a wild-eyed conspiracy theorist.

Selig's behind it, man. The whole "former owner" thing is a front. He's in on it, and Ben Oglivie is in on it, the shadow people who forced Jeffrey Hammonds on the team ... I can't really give out the details without putting you at risk, man.

No, that's probably not it. Ryan Braun would probably like to talk about baseball. Ryan Braun would probably not be asked a lot about baseball. That would be unbelievably awkward for everyone, so the easiest thing to do is just let him skip it. The second easiest thing to do would to fly the other Ryan Braun in, put "featuring baseball player Ryan Braun!" on the fliers, and charge a bunch for his autograph. They're probably right to go with the first easiest thing.