The Houston Astros are rebranding the franchise, and they're starting with new uniforms.
The new logo for the Houston Astros already leaked last week, but that didn't mean they had to cancel their plans for an unveiling. There was probably going to be a soirée involved. Who doesn't like a soirée? And on Friday, the Houston Astros had a uniform unveiling. And a post-unveiling soirée.
Last year's Marlins unveiling featured Pitbull, so this one was probably going to have to settle for second-best. The Astros teased the event with this:
Make sure to tune in to our live webcast at 6:30om CST on mlb.com/astros/. (Part 1)— Houston Astros (@astros) November 2, 2012
If you clicked on that link early, you paid for your mistake. This played on a 45-second loop:
The second part of that tweet:
Note: Due to music licensing rights, a small portion of this live event will be without sound.(Part 2)— Houston Astros (@astros) November 2, 2012
I did what anyone would have done. I loaded up Limp Bizkit's "Nookie" on YouTube and assumed that's what was playing whenever the sound cut out.
The anticipation was high:
To be fair, it was a packed infield by the start of the soirée. That picture didn't really match what I was expecting when I read "streaming", though.
4:31 P.M.: Introduction of new owner Jim Crane.
4:32 P.M.: Key quote from Crane's intro: "Even the people who washed the uniforms got involved."
4:35 P.M.: Promo video about the change. They keep mentioning a move to the American League. I thought that was just something I dreamt. That can't be real, right?
4:36 P.M.: "Astros baseball is about winning, and it's about the fans. So, fans, give yourself a round of applause."
4:36 P.M.: Wait, if it isn't really about winning, that probably means it's not about the fans ... why am I clapping?
4:37 P.M.: Jeff Luhnow on video talking about the minor-league system. Respect.
4:38 P.M.: The video is now showing the prospects obtained in the Hunter Pence trade. Man, does that deal look good right now. I get that this is a propaganda film ... but it's a good one.
4:40 P.M.: Bo Porter, new manager, is introduced. I like him. Trivia: He hit .292/.396/.556 in Triple-A in 1999. That was good for 26 at-bats in September for a 95-loss Cubs team.
4:43 P.M.: Porter leaves, and like everyone that's left the stage before him, he passes by a full drum kit. Maybe it's just the six-year-old in me talking, but I'm pretty sure bench coach Joe Pettini is going to get up there and pound out a cover of "Moby Dick."
4:44 P.M: This is Joe Pettini, by the way:
4:47 P.M.: Uh oh. The audio cut out.
4:48 P.M.: I DID IT ALL FOR THE NOOKIE. SO YOU CAN TAKE THAT COOKIE.
4:49 P.M.: Uniforms!
4:50 P.M.: MY SO-CALLED GIRL, BUT IN REALITY/HAD HIDDEN AGENDA
4:54 P.M.: There's a horrible fake newscast playing now. I think they're launching the new mascot. I couldn't get a screenshot in time, but there was an Astros logo/crop circle at the beginning of the fake newscast. It might be my next tattoo.
4:55 P.M.: According to the fake newscast, some sort of alien life form has landed. OH GOD RUN.
4:55: P.M.: There's an astronaut introducing the mascot: "At NASA, we like to do countdowns. Ten. Nine ..." His delivery is straight out of Waiting for Guffman.
4:56 P.M.: The audio's out again!
4:56 P.M. I'M JUST GONNA STAY HERE AND ALWAYS BE THE SAME/AIN'T NOTHIN' GONNA CHANGE
4:58 P.M. Secret Service are escorting the mysterious creature to the front of the stage.
4:59 P.M. Who is this strange creature?
5:00 P.M.: Oh.
5:03 P.M.: Orbit runs onto the stage, and that's it. Thanks for coming. Apparently the live band, Molly and the Ringwalds, is going to take us the rest of the way.
5:04 P.M.: If Molly and the Ringwalds aren't a shitty ska band, I give up.
5:04 P.M.: We'll never know. The feed cuts out, and I'm not about to Google that.
This is about the uniforms, though. And they're really, really, really retro.
HI, ORBIT. Also, the uniforms are kind of cool! I don't remember the last time a team went for this much of a vintage look. They don't have a smoking gun on them like the Colt .45 unis, but they're still pretty nifty.
That's odd. I can't see Jose Altuve behind Orbit. Maybe Altuve had to go to the bathroom or something.
That was the Astros relaunch. Maybe it was a little silly, but for the next few years, we'll have classic, nifty uniforms to watch. Not bad, not bad.