The New York Yankees are operating under a self-imposed salary cap, but they also need: a fill-in for Alex Rodriguez at third for a few months; a DH; and, if possible, a player who could do both while also nauseating Red Sox fans. They got everything on that list, as the Yankees have agreed with Kevin Youkilis on a one-year, $12 million deal according to Ken Rosenthal and pending Youkilis passing a physical.

It wasn't that long ago that Youkilis was a star for the Red Sox, hitting .307/.411/.564 in 2010. After a strong first half in 2011, though, Youkilis fell off a cliff, finishing 2011 with a .667 OPS in the second half, and starting the first half of 2012 with a miserable April and lingering hip injuries. After a June trade to the White Sox, Youkilis hit better, but nowhere near his previous standards.

Youkilis is hoping for a strong year and a long-term deal from someone next winter. He'll be playing in a ballpark that's friendly to hitters, but not overly so for right-handers. The important part has to do with the annoyed Red Sox fans, though. They'll need some calm words of reassurance. Tell them to close their eyes, take a deep breath, and picture Youkilis on the back of a police horse after a Yankees championship.

Wait, that probably didn't help. There isn't anything that will, most likely. Kevin Youkilis is probably going to be a New York Yankee. What a world we live in now.

And just because I rarely get a chance to use this, here is a picture of Youkilis's goatee fighting with Todd Helton's goatee over a piece of raw meat.