Hello and welcome to the place where we're going to be talking about the 2012 MLB Home Run Derby in Kansas City, USA. We're going to be providing live coverage of one of the dumbest events in sports because we have to, and we didn't make you sit down and read and follow along. I have no choice but to follow the 2012 MLB Home Run Derby. You do have a choice. And look at the choice that you've made. Pathetic.

The Home Run Derby, of course, can provide memories sometimes. You might remember last year's Home Run Derby for Robinson Cano winning while getting pitched to by his dad. You might remember the Home Run Derby before that for somebody winning it. You might remember the Home Run Derby from some year not too long ago where Josh Hamilton hit a lot of home runs but didn't distribute them very well and lost to somebody else. Because that makes sense, that's how these things should work.

It's less than an hour now until the 2012 event kicks off, if it kicks off on time, which it will not. Here's some information about it for you to know.

Time
8pm Eastern

Broadcast
ESPN

Other broadcast
MLB.com says it's going to be simulcast on MLB.com. Here's what I just saw on MLB.com:

After that they cut to some studio where the host predicted that Jose Bautista would win this year in part because he was bad at this last year. "I think Jose Bautista will win the Home Run Derby because when we've seen him in the Home Run Derby in the past, he was bad." Solid.

Participants (home runs)
Jose Bautista (lots)
Mark Trumbo (a lot)
Carlos Beltran (plenty)
Robinson Cano (plenty)
Andrew McCutchen (many)
Carlos Gonzalez (several)
Prince Fielder (15)
Matt Kemp (some) (asterisk)

Duration
Monday

Rules
Hit home runs
Don't bunt

Not participating
Bryce Harper
Giancarlo Stanton
Adam Dunn
Yoenis Cespedes
Alexi Amarista
Barry Bonds
Bobby Bonds
Bobby Wilson
C.J. Wilson
C.J. Nitkowski
Brian Daubach
Todd Zeile

Other things to know
Kauffman Stadium is harder on lefties than righties when it comes to hitting home runs. It's still hard on righties and park factors might not apply to a lob-throwing exhibition. It is very warm there and that could work to a hitter's benefit or detriment depending on things I have no way of knowing. Chris Berman will be on location and beyond the outfield fences there are big open fountains and I will dedicate the remainder of these posts to anyone who picks up Chris Berman and drops him in a fountain. Preferably while he's wearing all his electronics. Because Berman and his electronics could probably stand to cool off. The American League will be the home team, and the last time the home team hit a home run in Kauffman Stadium was May 29, 2002, when Mark Quinn went yard against Ramon Ortiz and the Royals lost to the Angels 12-2. Since then the grass has changed but basically remained the same.

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