Alternate headline: Carlos Gonzalez Predictably Terrible. I got lazy coming out of that commercial break and forgot about how quickly I have to type, especially when the active participant is a Rockies position player on the road. Carlos Gonzalez batted and finished with four home runs, which isn't many home runs, and I missed most of his round because I was looking up his splits since joining Colorado.
Since 2009, Gonzalez has slugged .664 at home with 61 home runs, and he's slugged .451 on the road with 29 home runs. Matt Kemp probably selected him because Kemp plays against Gonzalez a bunch and he's seen him in one of his grooves, but Matt Kemp needs to pay more attention to splits and park factors if he wants to win this thing. This is what determines World Series home-field advantage and the Dodgers are fighting for a playoff spot. Careless.
God, now I'm spending all this time trying to say anything about Carlos Gonzalez and in the process I'm missing Mark Trumbo, who I want to watch the most. Look what you've done, you terrible home-run hitter! Gonzalez should only ever participate in Home Run Derbies in Coors Field, along with literally everybody else. That sentence didn't come out right. No time to fix it, Trumbo Trumbo Trumbo.