This is a moment of honesty: I didn't watch Prince Fielder's second round at all. I mean, it was on the television in front of me, but I was busy scrolling through Twitter and seeing how pissed off so many people are that the Kansas City audience had the gall to cheer Robinson Cano getting shut out. Robinson Cano plays for the New York Yankees and I'm pretty sure he's used to getting booed everywhere he goes, so I'm reasonably certain he can handle some laughter when he sucks at hitting home runs when he's supposed to hit home runs. So many people are so sensitive on Cano's behalf. And nobody's even considered the possibility that the crowd was laughing at punchlines delivered by comedian John Mulaney that just happened to come around the same time that Cano swung into outs. John Mulaney is one stand-up guy. (Not a John Mulaney joke)

Fielder hit 11 home runs, which gives him a total of 16 home runs after two rounds. Everybody is eating ribs now. It started with John Kruk but now the entire broadcast and one of the All-Stars are eating ribs. And now Carlos Beltran is hitting home runs and I've lost track of what's going on. We're approaching the two-hour mark of this. Including Fielder's second round, we've seen 50 home runs. The Dodgers and Giants have both hit 51 home runs. This is a comparison that means absolutely nothing but that you will read into anyway. ugh I'm sorry this update has been uninteresting, but the source material is uninteresting, and not in an interesting way. Men are eating ribs.