At the bottom of this truly incredible and hilarious piece of journalism, there's a note:
A version of this article appeared March 25, 2013, on page A26 in the U.S. edition of The Wall Street Journal, with the headline: The Barry Bonds of Butt Dialers.
It would take a lot for an article to live up to that note. Thankfully, this one succeeds, and it's a fantastically funny look at the Mets' director of media relations, Jay Horwitz. Apparently, he's a butt dialer.
Like most butt dials, the ones from Horwitz's phone are caused when it shifts in the pocket of his pants. It usually happens when he's walking or sitting. For whatever reason, he refuses to lock his BlackBerry BB.T -8.05% .
That gibberish on the end of the last sentence is Blackberry's stock price, included automatically in the article because it's the Wall Street Journal, and included in the blockquote here because ha ha ha.
The article uses the word "butt" 17 times, and the exact phrase "but the butt dialer" twice. You are six years old, stop laughing. Baseball is serious stuff, stop laughing!