The American League won the 84th All-Star Game, defeating the National League 3-0. It was the third time the National League was shut out in the history of the Midsummer Classic. There was … let's see, a hit. I think I remember Mike Trout doing something. That guy with the hat threw hard, and then there was another hit.
Where am I? What happened to the last three hours? If you're waking up from the same kind of fugue, knowing that you enjoyed the game on a subconscious level, but not sure why, don't worry. I took notes.
Some of these young pitchers throw really, really hard
Man, what a joy it was to watch Matts Harvey and Moore, Aroldis Chapman, Craig Kimbrel, and Chris Sale throw mid-90s fuzz and freaky breaking balls. There are a lot of theories about the rise of the strikeout. Maybe there are just more pitchers throwing closer to the body's theoretical maximum velocity?
But my favorite young pitcher of the night was Jose Fernandez, who was four when Mariano Rivera made his first All-Star appearance. Fernandez went through Dustin Pedroia, Miguel Cabrera, and Chris Davis in the top of the sixth, getting Pedroia looking and Davis swinging. Harvey was good, but Fernandez hasn't gotten a shred of the attention this year, so it was good to see him on the national stage.
Of course, Fox interviewed Jason Grilli the entire inning, which is incredibly Marlins. Or incredibly Fox. Probably a little of both.
Manny Machado is the best defensive 3B in Orioles history
When you type those words, someone from the old guard in Baltimore grabs a hatchet and jumps in a car, looking for bloody justice. Okay, so maybe that's premature. But Machado is, at the very least, building quite a defensive résumé. Not bad for a shortstop, who should be a shortstop again unless the Orioles are crazy.
Prince Fielder hit a triple
He'd hit 10 triples in his career before this, all but one of them with his team within two runs of their opponent. The cool thing about this one was that it came at the expense of Carlos Gomez, a defensive golden god who couldn't come up with the amazing play. The second baseman ended up fielding the ball. Think about the words "the second baseman gets it … and Prince Fielder has a triple," and imagine what kind of bloodshed it would have taken for that to happen.
Tom Seaver wore a shirt with butterflies
If you really need the animated version, you can find that here. You do not need the animated version.
Mariano Rivera pitched the eighth, won the MVP
Joe Nathan is the better pitcher now, but … really? This time it counts and all that, but why not Rivera for the ninth? Is a guaranteed hold better than the risk that Rivera wouldn't get the save? That's kind of weird. That's really weird.
No matter. Even if he wasn't really the most valuable player in the 2013 All-Star Game, the retiring Rivera is the MVP of our hearts, and he won the sentimental vote, and no one complained. The award is a glass bat. Which I'm assuming Rivera broke on general principle.
Tim McCarver recited Metallica lyrics
You had to hear it. He earnestly recited Metallica lyrics, suggesting he just paid attention to "Enter Sandman" for the very first time.
Take my hand
We're off to Never Never Land
Not bad …
And by way of Lies and Perfidy, we have the audio of that recitation synced up with Fielder's triple. Goodness.