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There, you're caught up with baseball from the past week. Oh, sure, there was a Clayton Kershaw extension and some Masahiro Tanaka rumors, but for the most part, you were forced to think about Alex Rodriguez when all you wanted to do was look up Expos games on YouTube.
This is why people don't like Alex Rodriguez. One of the reasons, anyway. Another one is that he's completely unlikable.
Thinking about Alex Rodriguez made me want to come up with a list of the five most unlikeable figures in baseball. You know, a list. On the Internet. People love those. More importantly, people love arguing about lists on the Internet. A list of unlikeable figures would rile the hoi polloi up, alright.
Get the easy ones out of the way first. A-Rod, obviously. Bud Selig is obvious, too, even if he doesn't always get credit for baseball currently being a financial juggernaut. No one really likes the guy. And unless you're busy laughing at a picture of him with his mouth open, your initial reaction to his name is probably mild disgust and/or general loathing.
Scott Boras is good at his job, and people dislike seeing rich baseball players for obvious ("Now my team has less flexibility to acquire better players!") and not so obvious ("I used to play that same sport! Why am I not rich?") reasons. Also, Boras comes off as kind of a buffoon when he pretends to believe what he's saying.
Jeffrey Loria is, quite possibly, the least likable person in baseball right now. He poisoned the Expos and suckered the politicians in Florida. Also -- and this is an important point -- just look at the guy. The worst part is that he might actually care about baseball, which somehow makes things worse. It would be better if he were an Emperor Palpatine variety of pure evil instead of a Darth Vader evil-with-shred-of-humanity type.
So we have four. A-Rod, Selig, Boras, and Loria. You can't have a four-person list, though. Not on the Internet. Five's the minimum, so I had to search for a fifth.
Spoiler: There is no fifth.
That is, when looking for an unambiguously disliked baseball-related figure, there isn't anyone who can approach the Mt. Rushmore up there. I started thinking about A.J. Pieryznski, but White Sox fans really like that guy. Understandable, considering he was there for the better part of a decade, and he helped them win their first championship in almost a century. He's the kind of player you root for when he's on your team, apparently. Same goes with Shane Victorino. It's tough to become the player who qualifies to join the quartet up there. You have to be A-Rod, more or less.
I asked around, tried for some crowdsourcing. Someone mentioned Joe Buck and/or Tim McCarver. I have a problem with 45 different announcers before I get to Buck, and McCarver makes me giggle and roll my eyes more than curse. I actually … well, I'm not going to … you know, admit that … look, I don't dislike … this isn't about me, you know. Joe Buck might have a fair number of detractors, but it's ridiculous to put him with the A-Rod/Selig/Loria/Boras quartet.
Here, try it. A-Rod/Selig/Loria/Boras/Buck. That's a great way to get the one-of-these-things song stuck in your head.
Nothing fits there.
A-Rod/Selig/Loria/Boras/Schilling. I'm not a fan of Curt Schilling's persona as a talking head, and I wasn't a fan of him as a player or video-game mogul. But that name doesn't fit there. It's not in the same galaxy.
No one is in the same galaxy. So here are the five least beloved figures currently associated with Major League Baseball:
1. Jeffrey Loria
2. Alex Rodriguez
3. Scott Boras
4. Bud Selig
5. Richard Sherman
Feel free to substitute OBAMA or George W. Bush or Mike Love in that last spot, depending on your worldly concerns. But there's no one baseball-related who fits. It's the four at the top, then everyone else. Really, the only one I have personal enmity toward is Loria. The other three fascinate and amuse more than infuriate.
A-Rod/Selig/Loria/Boras. When there's another name that will fit there, we'll be in a different time. I will enjoy the strong opinions directed toward this mystery figure. Can't wait. Until then, though, it's four and a huuuuuuge gap.
Though, if you have the time, I'd like to tell you about a fella named Tommy Lasorda ...